Loving the Pain
by AlenaChen
Summary: Main Pairings: Marco X Ace / Shanks X Ace ; Also: Law X Luffy ; Ace is slowly falling into despair because of his problems. Plagued by nightmares, memories that don't make any sense and confusing feelings that are slowly awakening inside of him, he's fighting to understand himself. Genre: Drama, Shonen-Ai, Darkfic, Alternative Universe
1. Prolog: Fire

This is the translated version of my FF „Loving the Pain". I'm originally writing it in German, but I'm trying my best to translate it into English properly x). But if you find any mistakes, please let me know so that I can fix them.

* * *

**Loving the Pain**

_Prolog: __Fire_

Fire, around him there was nothing but fire.  
He was looking at the flames with a blank expression on his face. It would be okay, he wouldn't regret this.

The fire was spreading unrestricted in the small room burning everything that got in its way. The black-haired boy, however, was still quietly sitting leaned against the apartment's door, watching the flames as they were slowly moving into his direction.  
He took a deep breath. His lungs were inevitably filling with smoke.  
His sight was getting blurry, tears were filling his eyes. Not because he was sad, no, it was all the smoke's fault he told himself. He was trying to wipe away the sweat on his face with his arm.  
The heat was feeling unpleasantly hot on his skin. He wished that he would lose consciousness faster, so that he wouldn't need to experience what it was like to be burned alive.

His head was feeling sort of heavy and he dropped it into his lap. Just a moment longer… he just had to wait for another moment.  
But this moment was never to come.

He was feeling a weird, piercing pain in his back and his body fell to the side as the door behind him was rapidly opened.  
For the fraction of a second he saw a familiar shape running past him.  
Into the flames… the flames!

The moment was passing by in slow-motion.  
Short black hair, a red shirt. He saw him running past, tried to reach out his hand to him. But it was already too late. His sight got blurry; he was forced to close his eyes.

However, to know that he was here… to know that it was his fault he got into this dangerous situation… even though no one was meant to be here in the first place. He should have been alone.  
And then he heard it. His name being called over and over again "Ace! Ace!".  
Again and again, until he opened his eyes once more.  
Through the room he notices the shape of another boy. Even though it was painful, he tried very hard to get up and slowly approached the other person, grabbing his shoulder.  
You shouldn't be here. Away from the fire. Away. Away.

The other boy turned around and grinned at him widely. "Ace!" He said with this beaming expression on his face. And then he moved away from him. To the back. Into the flames, until he got swallowed up by them.  
He was trying to follow him, but the flames wouldn't let him pass.

And then he heard a scream. No! That was not what he wanted. This should have never have happened…

He sat up straight in his bed in an instant. He was breathing heavily, running his hand through his black, heavy hair, which was dripping with sweat, trying to process what had just happened.

The room he was in was all dark, besides the glow of the numbers on the digital alarm clock next to him, which showed that it was only three in the morning.

A dream. It had only been a dream.  
He tried to calm down. He wasn't back in that room from five years ago. That had all happened a long time ago. It had only been a dream.

A shy knock on his door interrupted him in his thoughts, shortly before his door was opened a crack wide.  
"Ace…?" He heard an uncertain voice say "Is everything alright? You… screamed… and…".

"Don't worry, Luffy." He uttered hoarsely. "Sorry I woke you up, but it was only a dream. Go back to sleep."  
Everything was alright. His brother was here. No one had disappeared in the fire back then, nothing had happened.

After Luffy had quietly left the room again, Ace dropped back into his pillow and buried his face in it.

_Nothing had happened._


	2. Will you sing a lullaby for me?

**Loving the Pain**

_Chapter 1: Will you sing a lullaby for me?_

* * *

3:45 AM.

He turned around to lie on his side. He had been starring at his alarm clock for about 45 minutes already and yet it was still doing nothing else but happily showing the time in red glowing digits.  
He was concentrating on watching the display, as if there was nothing more exciting on the world and waiting for the minute to change, showing that another sixty seconds hat passed.  
Even though he was fully prepared for it, he was still a little startled every time it happened. Just as if something unexpected had happened, even though there was surely nothing special about his alarm clock.

It might have been strange if the radio started playing on its own. But that wouldn't happen, because Ace had disabled the alarm clock before he went to bed that evening. Today was Saturday after all. Besides, his alarm clock had been working without problems since he owned it.  
Gloomily he caught himself comparing himself to his alarm clock, wishing that he could function just as unproblematic. His mental ability was definitely not at its top at 3:47 AM in the morning.  
Even though he was also wondering why he couldn't just shut off his brain completely then.

Sighting quietly he decided, after thinking about it for a bit, that it might help him to count the seconds as they passed by. He'd read somewhere that this was a great technique to fall asleep. Somewhat similar to counting sheep, there was no way he could stay awake doing that!  
He tried to focus on his breathing and started to quietly mumble numbers to himself. "One… two… three…" Just don't think about anything. That was the most important part. "Four… five… six…" As long as he didn't wander off in his thoughts…

The display of his alarm clock changed to show that it was now 3:48 AM.  
He had barely noticed. His eyelids had grown heavy, until he was no longer able to keep his eyes open.  
But in just that moment a strange glow spread in front of his mind's eye. Odd. He could swear that this looked just like… What was it again that he shouldn't think about?  
_Fire.__  
_His heartbeat quickened and the pleased look on his face changed into an agonized grimace.  
The fire was still here. In his room. Right here with him.

An indefinable, upset sound left his mouth, right before he sat up straight in his bed in a sudden movement.  
It didn't help. He just couldn't manage to distract himself from these thoughts.  
With an irritated gesture of his hand he threw his blanked off his bed and it ended up in the gap between his bed and the wall.

At last he sat at the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands.  
There was no point in staying in bed when he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again anyways.  
But he definitely needed to distract himself somehow.  
Brooding he tilted his head back and lightly touched his forehead with his hand. It felt somewhat nice and cold.  
This bloody nightmare made him feel so restless all the time, and especially robbed him of his well-earned sleep.  
Well, maybe it wasn't all that well-earned like he would like it to be, but that wasn't the point here.  
Being awake at 4 AM on a Saturday was just not fair, for no one.

Preferably he would have liked to take a cold shower, but the bathroom was right next to the room of his brother and he certainly didn't want to wake him up once more.

In the end he got up slowly and felt his way through his still dark room until he found the light switch. The sudden light hurt his tired eyes and it took him a while to adjust to it.

Quietly grumbling he was considering what he should do at this time of the day. He glanced over to where his computer was. Videogames…? Studying…? Pointlessly clicking through the internet…?  
Somehow he didn't have the motivation to do any of that, so he dismissed those ideas.

Then he thought about something he could actually do. He'd come home late the day before and hadn't checked if they'd gotten any mail and his brother didn't care about that kind of stuff. Right. Going downstairs to check if there was any mail in the mailbox was just the right thing to do at 4 AM in the morning.

However, he was only dressed in his boxer shorts and he had already thrown his clothes into the laundry basket and he would definitely not take them out of there again. And he couldn't get anything else to wear. His clothes were in Luffy's room, because his wardrobe had collapsed a few weeks ago. It had been very old already and so far he hadn't felt motivated enough to build up his new one. The boxes containing the parts of it were lying untouched in a corner of his room ever since he put them down there.

Anyway, it wouldn't be too cold in the hallway, he hoped and it would only take him two minutes, definitely not longer. Besides, he was sure that he wouldn't run into anyone at this hour. So he put on his slippers and decided to go the way he was dressed right now.

He quietly moved through his apartment, carefully trying not to make any loud noises. Although his brother had a really deep sleep, but he didn't want to risk waking him up again. As he reached the door, he turned the key in the lock as slowly as possible, pushing the door open just as wide as needed for him to slip through and then closed it again behind him.

And now: the mail.  
He was just about to go downstairs, as he noticed something across the hallway.  
The apartments in this house were positioned with their entrance doors facing each other and under the door of his neighbor he could definitely make out a small ray of light.

So he was still awake? For a moment he was looking at the door and blinked in surprise. He was wondering if his neighbor had a visitor.  
Although he was probably just still working. That would be just like him.  
He was thinking about if it was a good idea to disturb him. Marco, the man living next to him, knew of his insomnia and had offered him before that he could come to him if there was a problem.  
They've already known each other for five years after all.  
Ace had got to known the other one as he had been forced to go to a boarding school when he was 17 years old. Marco had lived there as well at that time.  
At first he hadn't liked him and Marco had mainly ignored him as well, but somehow they had managed to become friends after all. And as chance would have it they were now living in the same building again.

Basically, there was no harm in checking what his neighbor was doing right now. Marco would know it was him at the door if he would just knock. That was their sign. He never rang the doorbell, he knocked. There was no one except for him who did that, especially not at night. And as if the older man had a visitor. He never had that sort of visitors. At least Ace had never noticed anything like that going on. But then again he usually had better things to do at these times of the day than standing in the hallway and watching who visited his neighbor.

Anyway, he had decided on what to do. If the older man didn't want his company right now he could just say so or ignore him.  
He hesitantly knocked on the door.  
He could immediately hear a loud noise from inside the apartment. Then a hushed curse, followed by a moment of silence.

Ace stepped back from the door and was already thinking about returning to his own apartment, when the door in front of him was opened a crack wide and he inevitably looked into the annoyed eyes of the older man.  
His blond hair was unkempt and fell slightly over his face. He was wearing a purple jacket. The front was opened, showing his muscular body and the blue tattoo that adorned his chest.  
Furthermore he was wearing black reading glasses, from which Ace concluded that he had definitely only disturbed him while working. That at least was something.

The older man looked at him coldly from top to bottom and then took of his glasses to rub his eyes with his hand. "Morning, Ace." He said at last. "You look like shit." He stated straightaway, just to trigger a small protest of the younger man.  
"Anyway, come in." With these words he moved a little to the side, opening the door wider so that the black-haired was able to enter his apartment, an invitation he followed immediately.  
They went to the living room without saying a word and Ace sat down on the couch with a deep sigh.

Marco was looking at him thoughtfully. "Was it that nightmare again?" He finally asked the younger man, who only replied with a silent nod. "You can stay here, but I still have work to do."  
The black-haired smiled at that and replied happily "You're the best, Marco!"  
The older man scratched the back of his head awkwardly and looked away. "It's alright." He mumbled more to himself than to Ace.

He was definitely feeling uncomfortable right now. He didn't have a problem with Ace visiting him whenever he felt like it, but did he need to do that while he was only wearing his underwear?  
He glanced at the younger man once more and couldn't help but blush slightly; Ace didn't seem to notice though. Which was also definitely better for him, Marco thought by himself. He didn't want to disturb the good relationship he had with Ace because of something like this after all.

He couldn't help it though. He was interested in Ace. He had always been more into men, something that was basically not a problem and usually didn't bother him at all. However that he actually had to come to like Ace in that way was something that did bother him.  
They younger man had been more like a brother to him after all and ever since Ace had started living at their boarding school he had made it his task to take care of him.  
Furthermore Ace was also ten years younger than him. Ten years younger and a man. And as if Ace was interested in men, the idea was ridiculous.  
He should definitely forget about this.

"Wait a second." He finally told the younger man and then left the room for a few minutes. As he returned he was holding a t-shirt in one of his hands, which he threw to Ace and a cup of tea in his other hand, which he carefully put on the table in front of the black-haired.  
"Ah, thanks." Ace said right away and put on the shirt.

That's good. Marco grinned. That way he could at least not get any wrong ideas and calm down for a bit. That was definitely better than the younger man sitting on his couch half-naked and him… well yes, right. He should definitely not be thinking about this kind of stuff right now.

Sighing he finally sat down next to Ace and looked at him with concern. "Everything alright?"  
Ace shook his head slightly and then took the cup of tea with both his hands. He blew gently to cool the liquid down a little before he drank a few sips of it and then put the cup back on the table.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Marco continued his attempts to get Ace to say something, but the younger man just shook his head once more and lowered his face with a sad look on it.  
His hands were folded in his lap and he was nervously playing with his finger.  
"Hey, it's alright. It's your decision. But if you want to talk about it I'll be here for you." Marco said in an attempt to cheer the other one up.  
Ace raised his head and did now look right into the eyes of the blond-haired, his expression showing guilt.  
The sudden eye contact made Marcos heart jump and he mentally cursed himself for not having himself under better control.  
In the end Ace apologized for disturbing the older man at such an hour, but Marco stopped him with a wave of his hand "It's alright. Stay as long as you want to."  
"Thank you." The younger one said quietly. He then leaned his head carefully against Marco's shoulder and closed his eyes.

The sudden contact made Marco jump a little inside, but he recovered in an instant and Ace, once again, didn't seem to notice his strange behavior.  
For some time they just sat there. Marco's thoughts ran wild, but he reminded himself that he had to pull himself together.  
"Oi, Ace." He finally said. "Don't fall asleep on me." The younger man, however, ignored him and just moved a little closer to the blond-haired. He put his arm onto his leg and grinned happily.  
He was already half asleep and only muttered "You could sing a lullaby for me if you'd like to…"  
"Even you should know that that would be a big mistake." The blond-haired replied dryly, but he had to smile a little at that.  
He was actually more than happy with the younger man falling asleep on him. That would at least give him an excuse to enjoy his closeness for a little while without being suspicious.  
In the end Ace muttered something else to himself, but he was speaking so quietly that Marco couldn't make out what he was exactly saying.

As the minutes passed by Ace's breath grew deeper, until Marco was sure that he was asleep.  
He looked at the younger man longingly.  
He had to hold back. He shouldn't do something he would regret later on.  
But a little touch wouldn't hurt, right? He bit his lip, lost in his thoughts. The younger man would certainly not wake up so soon, he told himself.  
He slowly raised his hand and gently tucked back a strand of hair that had fallen in Ace's face and then put his hand on his cheek.  
The younger man felt unusually warm and Marco's palm was tingling from the touch. He gently brushed over Ace's lips with one of his fingers.  
These warm, soft lips that he would really like to kiss. He ran his hand under the chin of the younger man and lifted his head slightly. It was only a kiss. Ace was asleep, he wouldn't notice, he kept telling himself.

He felt the breath of the black-haired man on his skin as he was slowly leaning down and…

No. No. Dammit! He shouldn't be doing this! He pulled his head back in a flash and noticed that he was blushing. He covered his face with his free hand and mumbled something unintelligible that sounded pretty frustrated into his palm.  
He was way too excited. He knew that he should leave Ace alone for now, before he completely loses control.  
He stood up carefully, gently laying Ace's body on the couch, covering him with a thin blanket.

No matter what he wished for, he had to be patient. He couldn't just simply take what he wanted. Definitely not. That wasn't like him. He didn't want to be that way.

Ace had a contented smile on his lips. "Sweet dreams." Marco whispered, before he went back to his work room.  
Unfortunately his work wouldn't do itself and it was already shortly before 5 AM.

* * *

Soooo… that was the first chapter. What do you think? Worth translating, or should I drop it? I mean, if people think it's awful I wont bother with the rest of the chapters x_x.  
Anyway, thanks for the comments I got on the prolog. And especially thanks to VS Yaney for telling me that it's Luffy in English and not Ruffy (German version of the name, meh.).

Alena


	3. Memories of the First Day

**Loving the Pain****  
**_Chapter__ 2: __Memories of the First Day_

Still brooding Marco was sitting in front of his computer screen in his work room. His hands were moving over the keyboard without typing anything. Somehow it was no good today. He didn't have the slightest idea of what to write. Giving up he pushed the keyboard away. He was simply lacking the necessary concentration at the moment and besides, he still had a few more days left before he had to hand in this report.  
Maybe he should just go to bed. After all, Ace was still here and if he was lucky the younger man would stay for the rest of the day.  
He inevitably had to smile at the thought. It would really be a great weekend if he could spend the whole day together with Ace. Moreover, he could then try to take the younger one's mind off things.  
He really hadn't looked too well. Marco was really wondering what it was that bothered Ace so much. But unfortunately Ace had never really told him anything about it.  
The only thing he knew was that the black-haired man was suffering from nightmares. But he didn't even have a clue what those nightmares were about.  
He had, just once, caught Ace talking in his sleep. Something about a fire. But he had never asked him about it. It didn't feel right. If the younger man wanted him to know he should tell him himself.

But now that he was thinking about it he remembered hearing about a fire in reference to Ace before. Scraps of a conversation of his father that he had overheard. But somehow even back then no one had told him anything specific and that even though he usually knew about everything concerning his father's work, because he usually had to deal with it as well.

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms behind his head. It had already been five years since he first met Ace. What a long time.  
He had been 27 back then, still living close by the boarding school of his father. Actually, he had planned to move further away from it for some time, but then his father had gotten sick. Worrying about the old man he had stayed, especially because he owed his life to him.

He still remembered the day Ace arrived at their boarding school. It was the day that marked the end of his quiet days. They haven't had someone as bad as him in a really long time.

* * *

_Flashback_

Standing next to the desk of his father, Marco had his arms crossed in front of his chest, watching the two people who had just entered the room with a bored look.  
An old man with short grey hair and a beard, wearing a white suit, who introduced himself as 'Monkey D. Garp' and a boy with black hair and stubborn looking, dark eyes, out of which he was looking at his father defiantly. Furthermore he had freckles on his face and was wearing an eye-catching necklace with large, red beads above a yellow shirt.  
He was also wearing black, washed-out trousers in knee length and heavy looking, black boots. All in all he was dressed weird for the occasion, was what Marco thought.

"Introduce yourself." Asked the old man next to the boy, but the boy stayed silent with a cheeky grin on his face, so the one who had introduced himself as Garp did it for him, but not without letting an annoyed sigh escape his lips: "This is my grandson, Portgas D. Ace."  
Marco was wondering about their different surnames, but most likely they were not really directly related. Things like this were happening pretty often, if someone who, for whatever reason, had to take care of a child and then was overwhelmed with the task of taking care of said child. After all their boarding school was well known for taking care of 'special cases'. Which meant as much as: Children that were uncontrollable. And they didn't even do such a bad job at it, after all his father always seemed to know what it was that these children needed. And that was something that Marco had experienced first-hand when he first came here.

"Hmm. There are still a few things we need to talk about, but the boy doesn't need to stay here for it." Edward finally said. "Marco?" The person addressed looked at his father with a questioning look on his face. "Yes?"  
"Why don't you show Ace were his room is?"  
"Of course." With these words he walked over to the boy and asked him to follow him with a friendly smile on his lips. The black-haired boy complied with this request. When he was already at the door, he turned around and waved briefly to his grandfather, saying "See you, gramps."

They were silently walking behind one another along a long hallway. To their left was a row of windows that was allowing them to look at the inner courtyard.  
Marco was debating if he should try to talk to the boy, but somehow Ace didn't look as if he wanted to talk to him.  
He took a glance back over his shoulder, the black-haired boy had his lips firmly pressed together and was looking at him with a scowl. It was at this moment that Marco realized that the boy would probably cause him a lot of problems in the future.

In the end he asked the younger one briefly: "How old are you?"  
The black-haired boy gave him an annoyed look and then replied in an unfriendly tone of voice "That's none of your business, pineapple-head."  
Marco turned his head back around and went on walking down the hallway in silence. Well, that didn't work too well. "You don't have to tell me." He answered irritated. "But you could at least call me by my real name. Which is, by the way, Marco and not pineapple-head." He added in a challenging tone of voice.  
"Just leave me alone." Ace said, tucking his hands into his pockets with a pouty face.  
"Fine with me." They were approaching a hallway to their right and followed it. At the end of the hallway was a staircase. "We just have to go up here." Marco noted briefly.  
At the end of the stairs was a door on the left side, which had the numbers '301' written on it, it was the first of a series of doors located in this new hallway.  
Marco stopped in front of the '301' door and Ace did the same.

"This is your room." The blond man finally said while he was searching his pockets for the room key his father had given to him earlier. When he finally found it, he held the key out to the black-haired boy, saying: "Take it."  
Ace accepted it and for a moment they were standing face-to-face without saying a word. After a while however, the black-haired boy finally said with an irritated voice: "Is there anything else?"  
The blond shrugged his shoulders. Apparently the boy didn't want to listen to any lengthy explanations about this place and in fact he was already pretty annoyed about the whole situation and he really didn't have any desire to deal with it any longer.  
Really, if they boy wanted things to be more complicated than they needed to be, then so be it. He didn't care either way, as he had no obligations towards him anyways. He was only helping his father out here, so if Ace didn't want to listen to him that was not his problem. One of his father's employees could take care of him later as well.  
That was alright. At least he could get back to some more important things again then.

"If you don't want to listen to what I have to tell you that's your choice." He was still looking at the boy with an irritated look on his face, but then added: "Ah. Dinner's at 6, downstairs." For a moment he was considering to put more effort into this. But somehow they unfriendly behavior of the younger one in front of him was really annoying him.  
But then again he didn't even know why he was here. Perhaps his grandfather had really left Ace with them because he didn't manage to take care of him. If it was something along those lines the boy's behavior was somehow understandable.

He looked at him skeptically. The look the boy gave him was still defiant and as he didn't reply anymore, Marco assumed that he really didn't want to know anything else, so he was just about to head back when they boy punched the wall next to him with his fist. Startled by this sudden reaction, Marco stopped in his movement and lifted an eyebrow in confusion. He glanced at the boy with an irritated look. Ace had clenched his hands into fists and looked down.  
Marco was just about to open his mouth to say something, when they black-haired boy beat him to it. "You…" he started. "Don't treat me as if I am a burden to you!" He said loudly and turned his head into Marco's direction. He glared at him angrily.

"Ah." Was everything the blond-haired man was able to say. He blinked once or twice, confused about the sudden outburst of the younger one.  
This was the last thing he had expected to happen. Had he really done something like this? He had asked him about his age and the younger one had insulted him in return… and then… he might have been a little too annoyed, he realized. And he had actually thought that he didn't want to take care of the boy. He'd really gone too far.

He raised his hand and Ace inevitably flinched at his movement and closed his eyes. He carefully placed his hand on the black hair of the younger one and ruffled his hair for a moment.  
He smiled at the boy. "How old were you again?" He tried again.  
The black-haired opened his eyes and looked at him in confusion, but the replied quietly "17.".  
Marco's smile widened, "So you're 17." And with a wink he added "If you need any help let me know. There's a telephone and a list of the most important numbers, such as mine, in your room. And there should be a map of this building, if you have trouble finding the dinner room later."  
Puzzled about the sudden change of the older one Ace turned to his door and opened it. Before he went inside he finally said: "I still don't like you." But then he added with a grin: "But thanks anyways."

_End of Flashback_

* * *

Marco found himself smiling because of that memory.  
Granted, their first meeting hadn't gone all that well. But by now he already knew that Ace was really stubborn and that their characters didn't always go well with each other.  
In the five years he had known Ace, the younger one had caused him countless headaches, but somehow it was also this complicated part of him that he liked so much.

With a glance at his watch he decided that he had wasted enough time reminiscing. If he didn't go to bed soon, he wouldn't be able to get back out of bed on time.  
Sighing Marco closed all the opened programs on his computer and shut it down.  
Even though he knew Ace liked to sleep late, he didn't want to waste the whole day. He still wanted to spend some time with him after all.

He closed his books with a chuckle and put them back into their respective place. Before he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, he brought his coffee cup to the kitchen.

When he had finally made it to his room and lay in his bed, it was already six o'clock. Well, he would at least be able to sleep for a few hours.  
He pulled his blanket up to his chin and turned on his side.  
After a moment of inner peace, he reached out his hand towards the free space next to him and buried his fingers into the soft fabric of the bed sheet. The expression on his face was suddenly really sad.  
_He __was wishing for Ace to be next to him…_

* * *

Finally done! Thanks for all the nice comments. I'll try to work on this more frequently.  
And to answer _azab_'s question: Shanks first appearance will be in Chapter 10, there are a few things happening before that ^ ^;;.

Alena


	4. Tears

**Loving the Pain  
**_Chapter 3: Tears_

The piercing sound of his alarm clock was really annoying him. He had orientation problems and trouble transporting his mind into the here and now.  
Where was that stupid alarm clock? He was feeling for the object that caused all the noise next to him until he finally touched it with his fingers.  
Unfortunately his hand was still uncertain in its movements and so the alarm clock flew on the floor next to his bed and continued ringing mockingly.  
Great. Perfect start of the day.  
Oh man. He was feeling awful. He should have gone to bed earlier the day before.  
And this stupid alarm clock was really getting on his nerves. By now the alarm had transformed into a single, long sound that steadily grew louder and louder.

Irritated, he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. He kicked his alarm clock with a fast movement of his leg and luckily, this time the noise stopped.  
Finally: silence. Falling back into his bed he covered his eyes with his hand. Why was it so bright in the first place? Had he forgotten to let down the shutter? No wonder he wasn't able to sleep properly.  
And why did he have to get up so early? He would have definitely preferred sleeping until noon.  
He thought about it for a moment and his eyes widened over the memory that just returned to him. He sat up in an instant. Ace was here.

There was a content grin on his face now as he was suddenly wide awake.  
He wondered of the black-haired one was already up. If he was unlucky, Ace would have already left while he was still asleep. But he sure didn't hope so, the younger one could at least eat breakfast with him. And Ace never refused free food.  
Humming a happy melody he left his room to check of Ace was still around.  
Entering the living room, however, he suddenly stopped. His eyes widened and the melody he was humming broke off in an instant.

The room was still rather dark, the only light shone through a crack between the closed curtains of his window.  
Ace was no longer asleep, Marco noticed. Instead of sleeping he was sitting on the couch, his head supported by his arms and... crying?  
Marco wasn't sure. He couldn't completely see the younger one. But he could make out sobbing sounds coming from Ace's direction.

He wanted to say something. Do something. But he was still standing there only staring. Marco's body just wouldn't listen to what he wanted it to do. The unexpected image before him downright paralyzed him.

At last he pulled himself together and, after a moment of hesitation, went over to where Ace was sitting. Alarmed by the sudden movement in the room the black-haired one looked up. "Marco..." was the only thing he said. His voice sounded unbearable sad.  
Marco lowered his glance. Stupid. He was so stupid. He had been imagining a perfect day, even though he knew the way Ace was feeling. Or at least he should have realized what was going on, this was not the first time Ace had appeared at his place during the night. And if the black-haired one was actually feeling okay he wouldn't do something like that, would he?  
Marco didn't really know anything about the other one's nightmares, but he knew how long Ace had already been suffering from them. He felt ashamed. He shouldn't have left the younger one alone. Who knew how long he'd been awake and sitting here all alone.  
As always he had only been thinking about himself. He cursed himself for being so insensitive.  
Not knowing what to say, he just sat down next to the younger one and pulled him close.

Confused about Marco's sudden reaction Ace moved his hands between their bodies in a self-protective manner. The older one wasn't wearing a shirt or anything and his skin felt pleasantly warm under his fingers.  
In the end he gave up his resistance and let his head sink onto the shoulder of the blond one. He couldn't stop crying. It was so pathetic. He hated himself for his weakness and for always relying on Marco, just because he couldn't deal with his problems on his own.  
He closed his eyes. He could make out Marco's heartbeat right below his right hand. A pleasant, steady sound that somehow calmed him down a little bit. He was sure that the older one was worried about him. Ace had always been a burden on him and still Marco had never complained. Even know he was trying to calm him down and didn't even ask what was wrong with him. Even now he considered his feelings, but Ace was sure Marco must really be wondering what his problem was.

In exactly this moment the black haired one made up his mind. He had to tell Marco what was going on. It wasn't fair to never really tell him what was going on and to only rely on him when he needed comfort. He felt like he was only using him and the thought hurt. And if he was feeling that way himself, how might Marco be feeling to begin with?  
He distanced himself a little bit from the other one and wiped the tears away with his arm.  
Immediately Marco grabbed a box of tissues from the table next to them and offered him one.  
Mumbling a 'thank you' he took one, wiped his nose and then looked at the blond one in silence.  
The silence started to be somewhat awkward and Marco tried to read the glance of the other one, but he couldn't really make out his eyes, because it was still too dark.  
In the end he asked the only thing that seemed reasonable in their current situation. "Are you better now?" His voice seemed unsure. And that was exactly how he felt. He didn't know how to deal with the situation. He knew he should be doing something, but no matter how long he thought about it, nothing seemed right at the moment.  
And then there was another strange feeling creeping up inside of him. And all just because of Ace's touch. As if he needed that above all things now. This was just inappropriate at the moment he scolded himself. Still he fought with himself for a moment to suppress the urge to touch Ace more than necessary.  
At least the younger one wouldn't be able to see his facial expression either. That calmed him down for a bit.

Ace didn't reply to the question posed. Instead he kept starring at Marco. He tried to feel braver that he was at the moment. He had to tell him. Marco had always been there for him ever since they knew each other. He would understand and maybe help him to get rid of some of the burden he had to carry.  
He opened his mouth once or twice, trying to say something, but he failed miserably.  
His thoughts were restless. He wasn't able to do it.  
Marco had always told him that it was okay if he didn't want to talk about it. He had always said that he understood. But Ace felt, as if he was just using the friendliness of the other one and if he didn't tell him the truth now that would never chance.

Lastly, he asked the other one with a quiet voice. "Marco, can I entrust you with something?"  
The older one seemed to be surprised about this sudden question. He would have expected a lot of things, but not that Ace would be actually willing to tell him what was going on. "Of course you can." He answered softly and looked at the other one reassuringly, even though he still wasn't sure if he could even see it.  
After another long pause, during which Marco thought Ace changed his mind again, the later one finally said: "Do you know, why I was sent to pop's school?"  
The blond one shook his head in confusion. "No."  
Ace had to smile inevitably. Of course Marco didn't know. Even though he could have just asked his father, he didn't. He hadn't taken the decision out of his hands, even though he could have. Somehow that made him a little happy. But then, thinking about how long he had left Marco in the dark about everything, this happy feeling vanished as soon as it had appeared and was replaced by a wave of guilt.

"Back then, five years ago..." He started, but didn't get any further because he was suddenly interrupted by a loud ringing on the door.  
For a few seconds they looked at each other in confusion. Then Marco seemed to remember where that noise was coming from. "There's someone at the door." He pointed out as it was ringing again.  
Ace looked at him slightly shocked. "That's probably Luffy." He said.  
The blond one got up slowly. "I'm sure he's worried about you. Let's continue this afterwards."  
Just as he was on his way to the front door Ace held him back for a moment "If it's Luffy, tell him I'm still asleep!" he said, still panicking. He definitely didn't want his younger brother to see him like this. If he did he'd sure worry about him again and he didn't want that. It was bad enough that he had woken him up the night before.

Marco nodded understandingly and then went over to his front door to open it as far as the door chain allowed him to. He knew Ace's brother. If he gave him the chance he'd charge straight inside without asking any questions first. But that chance he wouldn't offer him, not today anyway.

The person in front of his door was really Ace's little brother.  
"Hey Marco. Is Ace here?" The younger one asked.  
"Yeah, he came here tonight." He replied.  
"How is he? Is it okay if I come inside?" The black haired one continued his questions and looked at Marco nervously. Marco examined him for a moment. Luffy seemed really worried. But he also knew that Ace wouldn't want to worry his brother more than needed, so he kept to saying what he promised Ace. "He's still sleeping."  
"Ah." Luffy replied, scratching his head in embarrassment. "When he wakes up tell him I'm going to meet a few friends of mine." The next moment he was grinning from ear to ear. "Ace can stay with you, after all."  
Marco wondered why Luffy was looking at him in that way when saying something like that. "I'll tell him."  
"Great. Thanks!" With these words Luffy said goodbye and Marco closed the door with a sight.

On his way back to the living room he thought about what to say to Ace. Whatever happened five years ago was the reason why Ace came to them... Of course he had often wondered about the reason. But he had always respected Ace. He had never tried to find out what really happened, even though it would have been an easy task. He could access all of his father's files after all. But if Ace wanted Marco to know anything about him, he should tell him himself. Marco didn't want to break the trust the younger one had in him, for nothing in the world.

Taking a deep breath he opened the door to the living room. Hopefully the unexpected disruption hadn't changed Ace's resolve to tell him whatever was on his mind.  
But as he fully opened the door he knew that the moment was already gone.  
The curtains had been fully drawn back and the window had been opened. There was a fresh breeze welcoming him.  
Ace was sitting cross-legged on his couch, holding a gaming-controller in his hands. His fingers were swiftly moving over the buttons and on the TV a figure moved after his commands.

Marco had to suppress an unhappy sight. Ace had used the situation perfectly to regain his composure. "I told you I don't like it when you use my console without asking." Marco said with a sulky tone of voice.  
"Sorry, sorry." Was everything the younger one replied, his eyes still fixed on the screen before him.

Ultimately it was okay. As long as it was for Ace, Marco had no right to explain. The black haired one would sooner or later talk to him about his secrets and when that day would come, he'd be here for him to listen.

++++++

I realized I do not like translating all too much. But then again I didn't work on the original version of this fanfic much either over the course of the last months. And I just got back into writing a while ago after taking a really long break for whatever reasons.  
Hopefully I'll get back to it now. Catch up on the translation of LtP and continuing to write the original one, too...

Alena


End file.
